I have days where I am wholly at the mercy of a feeling of inertia inside me. My default is to be a sloth. I picture myself more like the lovable animal on the right, moving at a glacial pace than a lazy man idling his free time away.
For me I have days where I can be at a hundred percent and be creative and productive. But there are an equal amount of days where I lack the energy and inspiration to start a creative project. Often the easier path of sitting and watching TV is chosen rather than taking the time to sit in front of a computer screen and write. It intrigues me that I am both annoyed by my failings and at the same time nonplussed about them. It's as though I am two different people inside that are having a discussion about what to do. They take so long talking with each other that when something is decided I have run out of time to do anything about it.
I have once again fallen out of the new habit I was trying to develop with meditation. I managed three days in a row this time! What is frustrating with that is that I practised daily for three months, so it is difficult not to guilt trip myself when failing this time around. Fortunately on the plus side I have been training more frequently, which has helped the brain in many ways to stay balanced. Despite writing my book about how to help manage depression I am still working on a consistent daily practice.
Going back to the title of this post and the reason for writing it. I have been lacking inspiration for my writing at times because my brain tells me that it is a pointless exercise. I have to expend energy to fight that thought process in my head, which is the worst thing in the world to do. Firstly because it is a never ending exercise going around in circles, and secondly because it wastes energy. Having sat down to write this morning has shown me once again that in "doing" I am expending that energy in a better way. I am proving my mind wrong on two fronts. The first in that I already feel better from doing this. The second in the hopeful thought that just one person, somewhere in the world, might read this and say "yeah I feel like that to". Perhaps they might do something about it, something that positively affects their lives even in just some small way. That is my inspiration, that whilst helping myself I might help somebody else, somewhere. The hard part now is to keep reminding myself of that in order to stay inspired.