I have been reading a lot more and writing online a lot less lately. As much as I have wanted to type out a blog post I’ve felt like I haven’t had much to say or that my head hasn’t quite been straight. The self editing, self doubt in my brain has put a limiter on any publishing. But for today it seems to have taken the day off, so I am going to smash this out and see where it takes us.
A lot has happened over the last few weeks and the combination of all these different changes has certainly taken its toll on my mental capacity. In fact this brain is so tired I can’t even write the usual disparaging joke about myself. Going back to work at Apple, running my carpentry business, doing marathon training and having a life with Catherine are just the main components of my week at the moment. This doesn’t include the usual “life shit” that everybody has to do such as food shopping, cleaning and washing. When we have both felt tired from running and work, we have skipped the weekly shop in favour of more fun activities. The knock on effect being a house without food and a diet that resembles that of Julian Assange in the Ecuadorian Embassy, take out central.
I can only speak for myself when I say that it is tiring and something has to change, mainly because the last time I felt like this was a particularly dark period of depression for me. Things are a lot different now for all the work I have done and continue to do on myself, it just comes down to good mind management. It’s a strange battle with myself in trying not to take on too much at once (failed) and wanting to be busy, the latter being an outdated and illness creating sign of “success”. It’s times like these where I feel I have taken five steps forward only to slip on a banana skin I threw away and roll down the hill I’ve just climbed. *Insert face palm emoji*
As the title of this suggests I am attempting to keep my skill (if you can call it that) of writing “up” and hopefully develop it. This distinct lack of brain power from all the other shit I am doing is certainly getting in the way of that. But on the flip side there is no benefit to having a completely free day, it’s about balance and exposure to the ideas and people out there in the world. Fortunately my saving grace (other than my wife) is my reading and the coaching I receive, because it shows me the “why” behind my actions and the “how” to change them. For now that means planning a more realistic schedule that schedules time for the necessities of life, whilst factoring in rest for the mind and body. Without that I’m like a pinball bouncing from one side of the machine to the other jus trying to avoid the big black hole.